What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?

[45] Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to KISS my FEET.

Jer 8

[5] Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts; and I will DISCOVER thy SKIRTS upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame.

Are today’s baseball pitchers faster than a few years ago, or is it that radar guns have improved and get the pitch speed as it is released rather than as it reaches the plate?

Apart from parable (Song 8:1, Nah 3:5, etc), in reality:

[44] And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.

Nah 3

Why did we evolve to have so many nerve endings in our anuses?

[8] And I will SELL your sons and your DAUGHTERS into the hand of the children of Judah, and they shall SELL them to the Sabeans, to a people far off: for the LORD hath spoken it.

Hos 4

[10] Therefore will I GIVE their WIVES unto others, and their fields to them that shall inherit them: for every one from the least even unto the greatest is given to covetousness, from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely.

Is it common for people to fall in love with someone else while still married? If so, why do they choose to stay in their marriage?

Gen 24

[2] And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my THIGH:

Gen 24:2–3 on “primitive” gesture of touching a loin (under a thigh) for a vow.

The people who are 'allergic' to humans - BBC

[15] Every one that is found shall be thrust through; and every one that is joined unto them shall fall by the sword.

[3] And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of Heaven, and the God of the Earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:

Isa 13

If there was only one man remaining on the Earth, would this be regarded as extinction?

[16] Their children also shall be DASHED to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their WIVES ravished.

[1] O that thou wert as my brother, that SUCKED the breasts of my mother: when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised.

[14] And it shall be as the chased roe, and as a sheep that no man taketh up: they shall every man turn to his own people, and flee every one into his own land.

What are mean nicknames to call my sister? She is always so mean to me.

[13] Therefore I will shake the Heavens, and the Earth shall remove out of her place, in the wrath of the LORD of hosts, and in the day of his fierce anger.

Lk 7

Joel 3

Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?

Song 8

[14] I will NOT punish your DAUGHTERS when they commit whoredom, nor your SPOUSES when they commit adultery: for themselves are separated with whores, and they sacrifice with harlots: therefore the people that doth not understand shall fall.

Jesus’ Feet Smooching in Lk 7:44.

How do you have intercourse with a girl who can remember you for a long time?